I was pondering upon things, and struggling with some more anxiety this morning, and as I studied in Alma 37, I read this verse: "Teach them to never be weary of good works, but to be meek and lowly in heart; for such shall find rest to their souls." (Alma 37:34) I had something happen at work that made me feel a desire to do something I knew was not right. There was a piece of equipment that wasn't working properly, and I was pretty sure that I had broken it. I felt like leaving it and letting someone else discover it and fix it, but I knew that that was not the right choice. I told one of my supervisors about it, and offered to have the cost of the equipment paid for out of my wages. My supervisor let me know that it was all right, and they would get it taken care of. I felt a lot better about having done the right thing, even though my anxiety was bad and I was frightened about what others would think about me.
It made me think about how doing the right thing no matter what the situation is what my Heavenly Father and Christ would have me do. It made me realize that I have developed some of that character that I had been hoping to develop, with no desire to do evil, but to do good continually. It also made me realize how important doing good is.
My struggle for much of the morning was in doing right. At work, I'm in a situation where my co-workers are sometimes swamped with work when I'm not. Do I help them, knowing that perhaps the cause of them being overwhelmed may be from their own mistakes? Do I help them, when I'm uncertain if my efforts to help are effective at truly helping them, or if they are not appreciated and maybe not wanted? It's certainly a struggle for me, and a great trial most especially when I have the troubles with anxiety that cloud my judgement and make it difficult for me to think.
Anxiety causes severe emotional distress. When the Amygdala, a part of the brain that controls memory and emotion, is highly agitated, it disrupts the functions of the Prefrontal Cortex, the part of the brain that controls logic and reasoning. When my anxiety is high, it means that I can't think or reason properly because of that disruption, which means that the answers to simple questions of how best to hand something to someone or harder ones like how best to help someone handle their workload are beyond my capacity to easily reason out. What is neat is that I can rely on Christ at those times and the Spirit to help me through those difficult times. All I really need to do is keep striving to do good, to "never be weary of good works." It makes me think also of a scripture in the Doctrine and Covenants: "Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great." (D&C 64:33)
After being able to collect my thoughts a bit at work, I was able to help my friend out who was getting angry and frustrated because of the overwhelming-ness of his workload. Even though I'm uncertain if it was the best way to help or if I ought to have done something different, I can be confident that my efforts, though weak, were made strong in Christ, and that by simply striving to do "good works," I was truly doing good.
Let's not forget to keep doing good works, even when we are tired, worn out, frightened, or suffering great pain. Christ loves us, despite our weaknesses and our perhaps failed attempts at serving Him. He wants us to try even if we do end up failing, and He forgives us when we do fail.
Love you all, my dear friends!
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