Forgiveness and Agency

I was struggling this morning at work thinking that perhaps others were not being forgiving of my weaknesses and mistakes.  I thought about how important forgiveness is and was upset at them for not forgiving me.  I had an insight that really helped me, though.  First of all, I don't actually know if they were being forgiving or not:  I don't know exactly what they are thinking.  More than that, though, I can't control them forgiving me.  I can forgive them, though.

What got this thinking started was one of my co-workers at my other job yesterday had made a rude comment about something she didn't like me doing at work, which was my job essentially.  I was quite upset with her for quite a bit that afternoon, even to the point of wanting to be mean to her.  The internal struggle I was having was really the hurt I felt from feeling like I'm trying to do a good job up front and get the customers' orders out as quickly as possible.  Not only that, but it's not my job.  I'm supposed to be cleaning and talking to our customers, and that's all I'm required to do.  But I help in the back because it does help out others, her included.  For her to be so critical and unforgiving really hurt me.  Her complaint really had more to do with her own inadequacies and her deficiencies than anything else.  What hurt even more was how often she's not doing her job, where ever she is at.

By the end of the day, I realized that the best thing I could do for myself and for her was to forgive her for hurting me, and to remember that she also has weaknesses.  Whether she or anyone I encounter, such as at my morning job, forgives someone else is ultimately their choice.  If they have weaknesses and cannot do such as easily as I would like, could not I also be as forgiving as I would hope others would be with me?  It makes me think of when the Savior mentions when He taught His disciples to pray:  "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:  But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (Matt. 6:14-15).

I think that the biggest realization for me today (and of great help with my anxiety) is that I can choose to forgive others and not whether they will forgive me.  Most especially, I can strive to act as if they had already given that forgiveness for my personal weaknesses, because at the very least my Father in Heaven and Savior, Jesus Christ forgive me for my personal weaknesses.

Love you all, my friends!  Take Care!