As Brooke and I went and did some temple work, I was impressed thinking about how past generations had gone through the trials of raising kids, building lives and families, and just generally living life. I realized that I've been focused on getting everything "right" as a husband and a dad that I've forgotten that life is about growing, not being perfect right away. We are 'perfected' through Christ as we strive to come to Him and as we do our best, whatever that is best is. And through Him, our best is better than we could ever have done on our own.
It's been a struggle to work all day and be away from my wife and boy, to strive to figure out how best to earn money for our family, how to earn money for my boss's business, and how to help make sure my students are growing and learning most effectively. Yet, I don't have to do it all at once, and I've seen-the more I have asked Heavenly Father for His guidance in these things-how God has helped inspire me to make one decision over another to the benefit of my students, my boss, and my family.
Through it all, though, I have continued to struggle with the depression and anxiety. At times it has been frustrating to have to figure all of the things out and to be doing well, only to have bouts with severe depression and terrifying anxiety that feel as if they may overwhelm me. That reassurance this weekend, that I don't have to be perfect right now, has helped with this as well.
One of the hardest things I have dealt with with these difficulties is that I received the comfort and promises from the Lord in a very personal way that I would one day be free from these struggles.
Just as the promised blessings of a wife and family did not come as quickly as I'd hoped, this promised blessing has not yet been given. I had begun to lose hope that I'd ever be free in this life from these struggles (and that may yet be the case).
After realizing my own lost sense of faith in these blessings and hope in a mental-illness free future, my faith and hope in general began to wain. I'm grateful for such a spiritual and loving wife, who has and continues to help when I struggle with my bouts, and who helps to keep me on track spiritually. We've started feeling the Spirit a little more in our home and are getting through this spiritual rough patch we've been in. And, very gratefully, we never strayed very far and have just needed some changes to help bring our focus more on Christ and the Gospel.
Thinking about the difficult times we've been facing, and most especially the struggles with mental-illness, I remembered a scripture from Lamentations: "The Lord is good unto them that wait for Him, to the soul that seekers. It is good that a man shoul both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord." (Lamentations 3:25-26) This reminded me again that there are many promised blessings of the Lord that we do have to wait for, and this may be one for me.
Whether in this life, or the next, I will see the "salvation of the Lord" in this thing.
