Suffering for Our Sake

Some trials have come recently, and I've had cause to ponder some of the difficulties that come from our mortal existence.  Something I've been thinking about lately is why I continue to suffer with the particular trials of mental illness that have been such a bother for most of my life.  The answer seems to have come from some more trials. I'm grateful for a Heavenly Father who uses many different ways to teach us, His children.  I'm also very grateful for the Holy Ghost that can help comfort during trials and help us learn from even the most distressing circumstances.

Two weeks ago Friday, my grandfather that I lived with for 7 years passed away.  It was a shock to everyone, and difficult to really comprehend for all of us (I'm having some trouble even really understand that he truly has passed away even now).  While I do have the comfort to know that he's not forever lost because he'll be resurrected and because he is even now in the spirit world (probably telling a good story or a joke), it has been hard to deal with for all of us.

In the midst of these trials, I have been isolated from friends and from the comfort and support they could offer by my anxiety disorder, that has caused such trouble lately that I struggle feeling confident and safe with anyone besides Brooke and Tommy.  It has been a sore thing to try to bear this burden of grief alone, and yet I had the opportunity to help share  and help my family as we had the viewing and funeral.  It's been so neat to see how Heavenly Father has helped me find opportunities to help my family during this hard time, even if it has been limited.

It made me think of how great it is that Heavenly Father gives us the chance to act as the Savior did, in helping to bear the burdens others are struggling with, even as the Savior bore the weight of our sin, our grief, our pain and sorrow.  And even as the Savior learned by very personal experience in Gethsemane what we would suffer through. We get to suffer to learn not only our own personal lessons of life, but also get to go through the suffering that someone else may have to face, and we get to know better how to comfort, strengthen and administer to them in their trials and struggles.

I'm so grateful for a loving Father in Heaven who gives the great blessings of trials and allows us the chance to suffer for other's benefit.

It is good to hope and quietly wait . . .

It's been a bit since I've posted anything here. Many lessons learned as a new father (many of which have to do with patience), and have also learned about how limited time can become. I did want to take some time to talk about some thoughts I had in sacrament meeting today and some in the temple yesterday.
As Brooke and I went and did some temple work, I was impressed thinking about how past generations had gone through the trials of raising kids, building lives and families, and just generally living life. I realized that I've been focused on getting everything "right" as a husband and a dad that I've forgotten that life is about growing, not being perfect right away. We are 'perfected' through Christ as we strive to come to Him and as we do our best, whatever that is best is. And through Him, our best is better than we could ever have done on our own.
It's been a struggle to work all day and be away from my wife and boy, to strive to figure out how best to earn money for our family, how to earn money for my boss's business, and how to help make sure my students are growing and learning most effectively. Yet, I don't have to do it all at once, and I've seen-the more I have asked Heavenly Father for His guidance in these things-how God has helped inspire me to make one decision over another to the benefit of my students, my boss, and my family.
Through it all, though, I have continued to struggle with the depression and anxiety. At times it has been frustrating to have to figure all of the things out and to be doing well, only to have bouts with severe depression and terrifying anxiety that feel as if they may overwhelm me.  That reassurance this weekend, that I don't have to be perfect right now, has helped with this as well.
One of the hardest things I have dealt with with these difficulties is that I received the comfort and promises from the Lord in a very personal way that I would one day be free from these struggles.
Just as the promised blessings of a wife and family did not come as quickly as I'd hoped, this promised blessing has not yet been given.  I had begun to lose hope that I'd ever be free in this life from these struggles (and that may yet be the case).
After realizing my own lost sense of faith in these blessings and hope in a mental-illness free future, my faith and hope in general began to wain.  I'm grateful for such a spiritual and loving wife, who has and continues to help when I struggle with my bouts, and who helps to keep me on track spiritually. We've started feeling the Spirit a little more in our home and are getting through this spiritual rough patch we've been in. And, very gratefully, we never strayed very far and have just needed some changes to help bring our focus more on Christ and the Gospel.
Thinking about the difficult times we've been facing, and most especially the struggles with mental-illness, I remembered a scripture from Lamentations: "The Lord is good unto them that wait for Him, to the soul that seekers. It is good that a man shoul both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord." (Lamentations 3:25-26) This reminded me again that there are many promised blessings of the Lord that we do have to wait for, and this may be one for me.
Whether in this life, or the next, I will see the "salvation of the Lord" in this thing.