I've thought about how I need to compose to get into grad school, and how I need to find a time to sit down and write. I figured the answer was to work harder to spend the time working on my stuff, but after I talked to my boss that morning, I realized that I've got all of my time booked up right now. There would really not be any other place to fit time in to compose and still accomplish all those necessary things that I've felt the Lord desiring of me. The more I pondered, the more I thought about how much I need simply more time to finish up everything I need to do.
Thinking about this, I thought about some different questions I've had about my experiences. One question: why did the Lord have me work at my current early morning job if He knew that I was going to be leaving it soon anyway?
I realized a couple of answers: I had been praying to get a job for so long, and I found something that really helped Brooke and I pay off some debt and have some extra money that we were able to get some much needed things with. I was also able to feel more confidence in learning and doing a new job and in making new friends and forming new friendships. I was able to see how people reacted in a different working environment and was able to be grateful for the people I work with in other jobs and how truly great they are. I got to practice patience, righteous judging, and some other neat and important skills in becoming a better disciple of Christ. Most importantly, I was able to make an impact, no matter how small, on the attitudes and feelings of those I got to work with. While I may not have stayed at my current job for a long time, I got to do and learn some neat things, both about myself, others, and about the Gospel.
Sadly, one of the things I have seen (that has been a large factor in this change) is how good people choosing poorly in small ways can cause the loss of the Spirit, how important it is to be vigilant in upholding those truths and standards that we embrace and hold most dear, and to make sure the places and the people we choose to surround ourselves with are going to uplift us and not drag us down. It was certainly one of the saddest things about the job to overhear how far some good people had fallen because of their choices.
On the other side, it was neat to hear of good people, perhaps not knowing all of the truths we as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints know, who nonetheless love their families and strive to provide for them.
The Lord leaves us to learn for ourselves and make many of our own decisions, helping often and many times helping us gain our desires because He wants us to grow and learn. Sometimes our desires change, but through it all we get to learn that Heavenly Father loves us enough to give us what we want sometimes, but He also loves us enough to make sure we understand and then get what we need.
Love you all my friends, and I hope you keep learning in this whole life-experience thing God's given us. Remember to be humble through all of it, and the Lord has promised that He will "lead thee by the hand, and give thee answer to thy prayers." (D&C 112:10)
